A Christmas Gift Lost
By Gladness Janet Wakio
"My grace is sufficient for
you, for my power is
made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9
y husband and I were expecting a wonderful Christmas gift, our first baby. From the time we realized we were pregnant we were so excited. Every stage of the pregnancy brought more hope and we couldn't wait to see the product of our love.
After doing the major shopping for baby things, it was time to visit the maternity hospital for the second ultrasound scan of the baby. I was glad that this time around my husband would be present to see the baby's pictures.
My husband was the first to notice that the doctor was taking long in scanning. His uneasiness made me know that something was very wrong. Then he wrote a report with the first sentence reading NO FOETAL HEARTBEAT.
What followed is hazy because I was in shock to learn that the baby died in the womb at only 34 weeks. What could have caused this? Why did God allow this to happen especially to us who had been serving him faithfully? Our hopes and dreams were suddenly dashed as we were plunged into sudden mourning.
Doctors explained that I would have to be induced to labor but no one seemed to have any answers regarding the cause of all this. Finally at 11am the next day, in October 27th 2006, I gave birth to a baby boy who looked beautiful and complete except that he was lifeless.
The weeks that followed were the hardest for me as I tried to search for meaning out of this awful situation. My mother had died in June 2004 and I had never gotten time to mourn her death. I was mourning for both my mother and my baby.
This time I let go completely and was able to feel the pain. It reached a point where I felt like I could not bear it any more. I remember feeling depressed to the point of wanting to die. I wished days would be fast-forwarded. But I had to go through the pain in order to heal.
During the darkest moments I asked God where He was. I realized He was there the whole time in the many loving people who came into our lives to console us. Some had gone through what we went through so their stories were pretty encouraging.
One particular sister had lost more than 5 pregnancies and finally got 1 baby. It is such testimonies that help one to see their situation in the right perspective. I told my story as many times as I could to every one who could listen to me. I began so see light in this darkness.
One morning as my husband read the account of Jesus and Lazarus I was touched that Jesus wept (John 11:35). Suddenly I realized that Jesus understood what I was going through. Even being God he is not detached from our human experiences.
I read a book by Rev. Robert Schuller that said, the real question is not "why God?" but rather "help me heal God". I began to focus not on the why but rather what I could learn out of this difficult experience. Someone said that without pain we can hardly grow.
The baby was born with his umbilical cord tightly wrapped several times around his neck. We learnt that it is a very rare occurrence and was probably the reason why he died. Now I know to advice women to check on the baby's kicks. It is not obvious to get pregnant in the first place.
It is not obvious that once you are pregnant you will carry the baby to term. It is not obvious that even when you carry the baby to term she will be healthy. All these are circumstances that are totally in God's control and we need not take for granted when we get a healthy baby.
We are now approaching the 3rd Christmas since we lost baby Joel. Our lives are happier our tears wipes as we look forward to the second Christmas together with our second baby John who is now 18 months. Now we reflect Jesus' light to others.
I pray that just as God used people to comfort us, God will use you to comfort others who may be hurting this Christmas. For that is the bottom-line of the Christmas message; giving. Reflect the light of Christ. Share your story.
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